


Wasted Dreams

by Cherokee62



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Femslash, Loss, Pain, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:39:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherokee62/pseuds/Cherokee62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ talks to Emily after she leaves the BAU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wasted Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Original story was posted 07/10/2010 on Live Journal. It hurt me to even write this story but it was a dream I had about the end of season 6 and it tortured me until I wrote it down.

**Title:  Wasted Dreams**

**Summary:** JJ talks to Emily after she leaves the BAU  
 **Fandom/Pairing:**  Criminal Minds:  Jennifer JJ Jareau/Emily Prentiss

**Author** : Cherokee62   
**Rating:** R  Femslash, angst, loss, Pain  
 **Spoilers:** none

**Word Count:** 744  
 **Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters, just having some fun with them. They are owned by CBS Corp. No profit    is being made with this story.

**A/N:**   Story has not been betaed, so please excuse any mistakes.  They are all mine.

  **A/N 2** :  I have no excuse for this story.  It's been stuck in my head for days now, and I have tried to resist doing it, but I lost the battle.

Xposted: LiveJournal.com, Fanfiction.net

Originally written July 10, 2010 Updated August 01, 2013

** Wasted Dreams **

 

JJ walked through the gate and sat on the grass beside Emily.  It had been a long time since she had seen the dark-haired woman.  Too long.

It was always awkward like this, not sure why she still came here.   She had so much she wanted to say, but always felt shy when she began.  All she could do was hope that Emily would hear her this time.

She wanted so badly to touch Emily.  To reach out and hold her in her arms again, to just take her hand.  But all she could do was fist the grass between them, mindlessly pulling out clump after clump, until she finally just gripped a handful and held it tight.

"I stopped by the BAU today.  Seemed strange after all this time.  Everyone was happy to see me, but there was something underneath.  I could feel it.  Garcia was the worst.  She used to be my best friend, now she's more like a polite stranger." 

JJ sighed in frustration, "I know...I know. I hurt everyone when I left, you more than anyone.  And I can't say I'm sorry enough, baby.  It's a constant ache in my heart every day.  My deepest regret.  But when you left...that was what changed the team.  It was too much, for all of them.  Our family irrevocably broken."

JJ looked up at the clear blue sky, her tears running unheeded down her cheeks.  This was where she would cry again, where she always cried.

"I'm so sorry, Emily.  So sorry for all the wasted years, the wasted dreams.  By the time I knew I felt for you, what you had always felt for me...it was too late.  That one night...that one beautiful night, when you confessed to me you wanted me.  And you held me in your arms after loving me so tenderly, changed me so much.  But I wasn't free.  I couldn't act on what I wanted, on what we wanted.  How was I supposed to tell Will?  What if he tried to take Henry?  What was I supposed to do?"

Dropping her head into her hands, JJ cried for a life not chosen, a love not embraced.  If only Emily would put her arms around her, tell her it was alright, that it had worked out in the end, so no more tears.

"I should have stood up to all those expectations of me.  I should have fought for you, for us.  But I didn't know if it was the moment or if it was real.  I had a crush on you for so long; I thought I had just gotten lost in it, that I imagined your feelings for me.  You never said it out loud.  You never said 'stay with me' or 'I love you'.  I heard all of that in your kisses.  In the feel of your hands on my body.  My insecurities and fears got in the way.  I had to leave, you see.  I couldn't ruin your life, hurt you.  I was in love with you."

In a whispered voice, JJ confessed, "I still am.  I always will be."

JJ looked around, it was so peaceful here, so beautiful.

"I left Will.  I couldn't live a lie anymore.  But I will never have what I had with you; I don't even want to try.  I love you Emily.  I pray this gets through to you, that you will hear me.  I love you, Emily Prentiss.  Someday we will be together, I know it.  I can wait, my love.  I can wait."

JJ stood and brushed the grass off her jeans.  She leaned down and placed a kiss on the cool marble of the headstone beside her, tenderly running her fingers across the letters etched in the stone.


End file.
